Every one in this room has been associated with Whitey, Either through basketball, or the mall, or the various odd jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar I’m guessing ninety-nine percent of you have either laughed in Whitey’s face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or shortness or his sister when he wasn’t looking But the next time he’d see you he’d still go out of his way to wave and smile and ask you about your mother’s operation or something like that because he unlike us actually cares about some one other then himself The reason I bring this up to you is because I was the worst offender of all My life was simply going no were Then a tiny little man rushed to my side He should’ve gotten a big thank you Instead he got a port-a-potty ride I was such a shit-head But he never quit on me ‘Till i told him he was useless And his sister was freaky Once when we were watching Sunday football A fuzzy screen was all that we could see Whitey came over with a hanger And spent the game on top of our T.V. And when the lightning struck him He let out a wicked loud yell But we just turned up the volume And ignored the burning smell we should all rot in hell I went to high school with Whitey As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom When he got there I said, “I can’t believe you thought I was serious†So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his mom What a crushing blow to Whitey I bet you wish you could take it back How could you all be so mean to Whitey Sound to me like you are all on crack Tonight Whitey was counting on this town to show that we care But the first time he really needed us we weren’t there And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Hannukah It’s just not fair Bum biddy biddy biddy bum bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum I wonder if that guy ever wiped his ass with the wrong hand (Yes) Bum biddy biddy biddy bum bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum bum Bum biddy biddy biddy bum